Healing Aches
by KitKatt0430
Summary: Hartley swears that Cisco is on better terms with his parents these days. Cisco just wishes he could remember any of that, because what he does remember is his parents exhaustion with him; their inability to connect with him and blaming that on him. So he's a little anxious about what happens when the door opens and tells his parents about his amnesia. (part of a series)


Summary: Hartley swears that Cisco is on better terms with his parents these days. Cisco just wishes he could remember any of that, because what he does remember is his parents exhaustion with him; their inability to connect with him and their tendency to blame that lack on him. So he's a little anxious about what happens when the door opens and he has to tell his parents about his amnesia.

Part of the "A Touch of Forgetfulness" Series, along with "(Don't You) Forget About Me", "Building A Home (A Future)", "Broken Like Me", and "Sex Talk(s)"

Notes: This is tentatively set on Sunday after Hartley and Cisco's date but before they get the rats on their anniversary. It's not really a story about Cisco's parents making up for their screw-ups; they've had years to work on fixing those mistakes and making it up to Cisco and they did a good job at it. This is just Cisco having to relearn where he stands with them... and a little bit of Hartley getting reassurances and support too, because the situation is pretty hard on them both right now.

_**Healing Aches**_

"So, when do you want to go see your parents?" Hartley asked.

They were laying in bed, lazy and warm and Cisco doesn't want to think about their decision to visit his parents today. He would like to stay warm and safe in Hartley's arms, marveling over the new and yet not new feelings being cuddled with Hartley evokes. "I'm not sure."

"If we call them now, Sofia's will probably want us to go to Mass with her," Hartley said. "If we call after lunch, she'll ask us if we went to church today. Always gives us that sad look when we say no."

Cisco groaned softly. "Telling her I was lapsed and agnostic was such a mistake," he muttered against Hartley's collar. "I just didn't want to keep lying about attending church and I don't feel like I get anything out of it."

"Same hat," Hartley murmured. "But its usually nice going with her. And the priest at her church is surprisingly queer friendly. I do think your mom understands, at least these days, that neither of us are particularly comfortable with the Church and how it treats people like us. She just likes having our company at Mass now that Mateo's stopped attending."

"Dad doesn't attend Church anymore?" Cisco sounded scandalized to his own ears. "My Dad, the fourth degree Knight of Columbus, doesn't do Mass?"

"His back's gotten kind of bad in the last couple of years. The pews make him hurt for the rest of the day. So sometimes we do call her up and join her for Mass because we know it'll make her happy." Hartley hummed softly. "I think going to Mass with her was the first time I'd voluntarily been in a Catholic Church since college. I joined you with your parents that first Christmas after we started dating. Midnight Mass with the candle lighting ceremony, which I'd never participated in before. It was really pretty. But so long."

"Yeah, midnight Mass is ridiculously long," Cisco agreed, wishing he could remember the look on Hartley's face when he saw the candles held aloft over the pews, little lights dotting a darkened sanctum. He must've been a little in awe and all the more lovely for it. "What time is it?" Cisco finally asked.

"Nine-ish."

Cisco sighed and reluctantly sat up. "We might as well go now."

Hartley sat up two, stretching such that his short sleeping t-shirt rode up on his stomach a tantalizing distance. "We can put it off if you'd rather wait," Hartley offered, sympathy evident in his voice.

But Cisco shook his head. "If we don't go now, I'll keep putting it off. They... they really get along with me better these days?"

"They really do," Hartley promised. "It's not like with my parents. They're... honestly, I'd like to put off reintroducing you to them for as long as I can manage. My mother's not so bad, but my father..." Hartley grimaced.

"You mentioned he was kind of awful at our wedding," Cisco mused thoughtful... and more than a little disappointed he still can't remember that day. But with how very little of the last six years he can remember...

"I nearly disowned him over it," Hartley muttered darkly. Then he shook his head and brightened. "Your parents love you very much, Cisco. And I know its one of their deepest regrets that it took losing Dante for them to realize they'd been pushing you away for years."

Cisco let out a shaky sigh. Dante's death, he remembers. Identifying his brother at the morgue with Barry at his side. And a vague impression that he'd been an ass to Barry afterwards, though they'd eventually made up.

"Should we just show up? Or do we call first and give forewarning?" Cisco slid out of bed and headed to the closet. What would be nice enough for Church but still comfortable enough not to contribute to what's likely going to be a very stressful day (in a long line of stressful days)?

"I'll call and let them know we're headed over. And that we've got something important to tell them. So, you know, twelve o'clock Mass instead of eleven fifteen."

"Do they really manage to wrap up Mass inside of forty-five minutes?" Cisco asked, turning to give Hartley a bewildered look. "I mean, homilies. And everyone who wants to shake the Priest's hand afterwards."

"Yeah, no, twelve o'clock Mass is in the Church proper, but eleven-fifteen is in the smaller chapel attached to the school. They stagger the Masses between the two since St. Paul's closed and most of the congregation wound up at St. Mathias. It alleviated the over-crowding and since they got one of St. Paul's two priests, its mostly worked out." Hartley came over to where Cisco stood and snagged a green button up and a pair of black pants. He dressed quickly and then grabbed his phone. "I'll go make tea and coffee to go while I call them. You sure..."

"I'm sure," Cisco wanted to kiss Hartley's cheek, but felt too overwhelmed already to actually do it. So instead he reached out and held Hartley's hand for a moment. "I just have to actually pick out clothes to wear. Not hard at all, right?"

Hartley gave him a knowing look. But instead of calling Cisco on what was clearly an obvious clothing crisis, said, "you do take forever on your hair these days. You and that curling iron, getting just the right amount of wave. Always looks good, though."

The thought of trying to do his hair when he couldn't remember his current hair care routine - he loved the new look, but he remembered being used to straightening his hair - made Cisco wrinkle his nose. "Maybe I'll just tie it back," he muttered.

"Whatever makes you feel comfortable, okay?" Hartley brushed some strands away from Cisco's face, more an excuse to touch his hair than because Cisco really needed the hair tucked away, and then left the room with his cell phone in hand.

Pants were easy once Cisco let himself think about it. Dark blue jeans with only a hint of fading to them, likely natural and not artificial 'aesthetic' fading. Cisco swapped pajama pants for the jeans and then perused the shirts. None of his t-shirts would do; Cisco distinctly remembered the looks of disappointment on his mama's face when he'd try to wear t-shirts to church in high school.

"Paco," she'd say, "we are going to the house of the Lord. Dress nicely and with respect."

How, exactly, t-shirts were meant to be disrespectful, Cisco had never really understood. Though at least 'Sunday Best' in high school was more relaxed than what it had been when Cisco had been in elementary school. Evidence that even Sofia Ramon could mellow out some for her children.

Cisco let his fingers slide along the various fabrics of the non t-shirts. He wasn't sure which shirts were his and which were Hartley's. He suspected they wore roughly the same sizes though, given that Hartley's sleep shirt for the night was clearly one of Cisco's t-shirts that had shrunk length-wise in the wash.

He stopped and went back two shirts, his hand settling on a pale blue shirt made of some of the softest fabric Cisco had ever felt. It was probably one of Hartley's shirts, but that made wearing it all the more appealing, really.

Mind made up, Cisco pulled the shirt off the hanger and finished getting dressed for the day.

(Based on Hartley's expression when Cisco walked into the living room, the shirt was definitely one of Hartley's. Cisco rather liked the possessive glint in his husband's eyes.)

* * *

Cisco feels like he's vibrating with nerves by the time they reach his parent's house. He wonders if he felt this nervous the first time he brought Hartley to meet them.

"Parents never like me, Cisco. My own parents don't like me."

"Your parents made a horrific mistake disowning you and they're trying to fix things, even if your father is making a hash of things right now." Cisco reached out and held Hartley's hand, pressing a kiss against his boyfriend's knuckles. "My parents are going to like you because you make me happy. And Mama is going to find it hilarious when she realizes after all of high school when she kept telling me and Dante to date nice Catholic girls, that I'm bringing home a nice Catholic boy instead. Papa will like you when he realizes you know Spanish and don't have a horrendous accent."

"Cisco?" It sounds like Hartley's a little worried and Cisco wonders if Hartley had to repeat himself a few times there.

"Sorry, I... I remembered the first time I was taking you to meet my parents. You were the nervous one, then. And your father was apparently being a dick again? That's... a recurring theme with him, I take it?"

Hartley heaved a loud sigh. "Unfortunately. About the only thing holding my parents marriage together right now is their shared certainty that divorce is a sin. And, quite frankly, Mother got over her homophobia because she wanted me in her life. If she decides she doesn't want Father in her life anymore, she'll get over her misgivings with divorce." Hartley paused a beat, then, "well, also their joint ownership of Rathaway Industries is also keeping them together."

"Your parents are... complicated," Cisco muttered.

"Thanks for putting that so delicately," Hartley replied in amusement. "You were right, though. Your parents like me."

"I remember feeling so confident that things were going to be okay with them. I wish I felt that confident right now." Cisco let out a shaky breath. "They're going to wonder what's taking us so long out here. Let's just go." He opened the car door and got out, Hartley a few seconds behind him. They they headed up the front walk to a front door that looks very different from the one Cisco remembers. They must've replaced it in the last few years.

In fact, the whole house looks a little different. It's painted, a bland beige but its still a far sight better than the near coral brick from Cisco's childhood. The windows look new too and Cisco can't help but nervously wonder if they're doing up the house with plans to sell it. He grew up in this house; it was a nice house to be a kid in.

Hartley's got a key to the house and he lets them inside. "We're here," he calls while Cisco nervously shuffles in behind him.

Cisco's mama is the first to greet them. Hartley's closer and she hugs him, then moves to hug Cisco, frowning when Cisco freezes up a little. "Estás bien, Cisco?" she murmurs, as she looks him over.

She looks older. Six years will do that, Cisco supposed, but its still weird to see so much gray in her hair.

(Cisco's hair is more like his mama's than his papa's. He wonders if this means he'll be going gray when he gets to be her age.)

"Not exactly," Cisco responds. "I, uh... something happened earlier this week."

They head into the living room and Cisco settles with some relief on the couch. It's the same couch he remembers them buying while he was in college. The recliners are new, though, and his papa looks very comfortable in his as he greets Cisco and Hartley.

"Your papa thought he'd get some yard work done this morning," mama says, sounding half disapproving and half amused.

"Still refusing to get a lawn service?" Hartley asked teasingly and Cisco aches a little. He doesn't have context for any of this.

"I can still push a lawnmower around the yard," his papa replies archly, rolling his eyes. Then, giving Cisco a curious look, asked, "everything alright, Cisco?"

"I, uh..." Cisco flounders, feeling lost, and he wishes Hartley taking his hand helped but he just wants to hide from the way his parents are staring at him in concern.

"Did you hear in the news about the meta stealing from jewelry stores? The one who affected people's memories?" Hartley speaks up.

The two older Ramons nod. "Yes," says one at the same time the other says, "si."

"I was checking out prices for a possible Christmas gift for Hartley... or at least that's what Caitlin said I was doing," Cisco says before Hartley can do all the work for him. "I don't remember. I don't... I don't remember pretty much all of the last six years. Since... since the night the accelerator exploded. There's... bits and pieces I've remembered since it happened, but I don't..."

There's a long pause as Cisco's parents stare at him in mute shock, then glance at each other. "Well," Cisco's mama says, "I guess we're skipping Mass today."

* * *

Hartley keeps mostly quiet while Cisco haltingly fills his parents in on the pertinent details of what's been going on. Staying at Caitlin's the first night before coming home. (There was something truly gratifying to hear Cisco say he slept better in their home.) Their unspoken hope that the meta who did this to him might be able to reverse it... and how that hope had fizzled out when the meta turned out to be a kid, desperate to protect his brother from an abusive father.

"I know about Dante," Cisco added at the end. "I... I went to visit his grave and... remembered the day after he died."

Sofia had ended up on the couch with Cisco, holding her son's hand carefully. "Oh, Paco," she murmured. "I'm so sorry. To go through that all over again..."

Moving from the couch, Hartley gestured to where he'd been sitting to Mateo, letting his father-in-law take his spot.

Hartley dropped onto a nearby chair and let his head fall into his hands. This last week has been one of the most stressful in their entire relationship. And things are going to continue to be stressful for a while, though at least their date the night before had proven that their relationship would survive this hurdle. Hartley hadn't been fully aware of just how deep his fears had gone until they'd gotten back home and started kissing. Sometime during the date - maybe when Cisco had called Hartley his husband out loud, maybe when they'd been teasing each other over getting paint on their faces, maybe... - a weight had lifted of Hartley's shoulders.

It seemed that Cisco had embraced Hartley's suggestion of making new memories together. But that didn't make it any easier to know that there was a distance between them now that hadn't been there a week earlier.

A hand tapped Hartley's shoulder and he looked up to see Sofia smiling gently at him. She gestured to the kitchen and he got up to follow her. He's enveloped in a hug the moment they're out of sight of the living room.

"Mi hijo." Sofia's called Hartley her son since before he even married Cisco. He might've cried a little the first time she did it; he's definitely crying this time. "Está bien llorar. No tienes que estar bien ahora."

Hartley just clings that much more tightly to her in response.

* * *

Lunch is a quiet affair. They wind up having a leftover rice dish that Mateo had made the night before and it's delicious. Honestly, the loudest part of the meal was Hartley pestering Mateo for the recipe, to Sofia and Cisco's amusement. (Mateo caved and Hartley cheerfully noted everything down in his phone.)

Hartley insists on helping Mateo with the dishes while Cisco chatted quietly with his mother.

"I'm surprised you suggested we skip Mass so easily," Cisco observed.

"After Dante died... to be honest, I stopped going to church altogether."

Hartley nearly dropped the cup he was watching because... he did not know that. And he doubted very much Cisco had known that either, even before his memories were repressed. Mateo gave Hartley a look, eyebrow raised, and Hartley sheepishly swapped over to drying dishes instead of washing them. He couldn't help eavesdropping, which the Ramons were all rather accustomed to at this point. If Sofia didn't want Hartley listening, she'd have taken Cisco to the other room and turned on the tv or some music.

"I couldn't understand how God could take my son from me so young. I still don't understand. I'll probably never..." Sofia trailed off. "But that Thanksgiving, you told us you wanted to bring your boyfriend to Christmas Mass with us. I didn't know how to tell you that I hadn't set foot in a church since Dante's funeral. So we went to midnight mass like always and... Hartley was so nervous because of how long it'd been since the last time he was in a church too. I was so distracted trying to help him feel more at ease, especially since all the translations from Latin had been updated so all the wording of the prayers he remembered were now slightly off... it wasn't until we were headed back home that I realized I felt like I was at peace with God, despite everything. I started attending Mass regularly again after the New Year, but... I feel like there's less of a rigidity to my faith now."

"Mama," Cisco muttered, wiping at his eyes before pulling her into a hug.

Hartley was putting up the last of the dried plates when Sofia and Cisco headed back into the living room. Mateo was leaning against the counter, staring pensively at the floor.

"It happened because he's Vibe, didn't it? The attack that took his memories."

Startled, it took Hartley a moment to respond. "I shouldn't be surprised, should I? His disguise is pretty much paper thin."

"Yours isn't any better, Piper," Mateo chuckled, despite himself.

"Fair enough. He didn't want to worry you two, especially after Dante. But... yes. He was attacked as Vibe."

"Attacked by a scared kid. Probably hesitated 'cause of that big heart of his." Mateo sighed quietly. "Keep him safe, Hartley."

He nodded uneasily in response. There was so many terrifying things waiting for them in the future - including the return of Eobard Thawne and Barry's disappearance in that fight - that Hartley wondered if he'd be able to protect Cisco at all.

"Keep yourself safe, too. You're ours now." Mateo reached over to pat Hartley on the shoulder. "He still looks at you the way he did that first Christmas. Like you light up his life. Perhaps a bit more mystified by it than usual, but that'll pass in time."

Hartley laughed and smiled, relieved by the observation.

* * *

"So," Cisco said as they closed their car doors and pulled on the seat belts, "that went really well."

"It really did," Hartley agreed, reaching out to take Cisco's hand in his. "Remember anything new?"

"Some of Dante's funeral," Cisco admitted, closing his eyes. "You were there, with Caitlin, Barry, and Iris. I really appreciated the support. The look on your face at Christmas Mass when the pews lit up with the candle light. Papa telling me that you're a keeper, which... was around Easter I think? They both really like how happy you make me. How happy you still make me." Cisco's eyes opened and he smiled over at Hartley. "I was so scared when I woke up and found out how much time had passed. But... for everything bad that's happened, there's been so much good too. And I guess I'm willing to accept the bad if it means I get to keep this improved relationship with my parents and our happy marriage and all my friendships..."

"Your dad knows you're Vibe and I'm the Pied Piper," Hartley said casually, putting the car in drive.

"WHAT?!"

"Yup, asked me if you were hurt because you were Vibe, like bringing up your secret identity was no big deal." Hartley snickered. "At least he waited until the last of the dishes were put away. I'd have dropped that plate for sure otherwise."

"Would've served him right, springing it on you like that." Cisco leaned back in his seat. "Mama probably knows too, then. I don't know how to deal with this. They know more about me being a superhero than I do." There was a long pause and then he added, "they really love me." He sniffled and wiped at his face. One good day didn't make up for all the bad days he remembered. But... there was the promise of more good days. And of remembering how they got to this point.

He could be okay with that.


End file.
